


More

by JustHereForLaughs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Hook-Up, Love Confessions, M/M, Overdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustHereForLaughs/pseuds/JustHereForLaughs
Summary: Set in the Endverse, Dean and Cas' relationship develops.  This takes place before real Dean shows up.  Please don't put season 15 spoilers in the comments, thank you.
Relationships: Castiel & Chuck Shurley, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 4





	1. Hook-Up

Dean walked slowly up the steps to Cas’ house. He had a bottle of vodka in one hand and two glasses in the other. The raid had brought back a lot of useful supplies but it had also brought back two infections. They’d been dealt with so now Dean was free for the rest of the evening until his watch.

Cas opened the door before Dean had a chance to knock. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean nodded and held up his cargo. He walked into the room after Cas waved him in with an eager look. He sat down on the chair and started to pour each of them a glass. 

Cas followed and sat down on his bed, leaning against the wall. He took the glass Dean handed him and downed it quickly. “So, how did the raid go?”

“Well, I guess. Had to put down two but it brought back quite a bit of good stuff,” he said, “That vodka, for example.” He gestured to the bottle on the table. 

“Cheers to that,” Cas said. “Life is so strange now. I guess the end of the world will do that.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “Hunting is pointless, unless it’s an immediate danger to you, there is no meeting new people, no decent women. They all still find long term relationships.”

“What’s the point of that? The world’s going to crap. Why not have fun while you're alive, right?”

“Yes, exactly,” Dean said. There was silence for a while. They just enjoyed the presence of a friend. “I wish I knew how to fix this,” Dean began again, “I’ve never failed at my job before. Excitement is good but this is too much.”

Cas sat up and faced Dean, “You didn’t fail, Dean. The apocalypse was bound to happen. It was fate.”

Dean rolled his eyes and had another drink. “At least we’ve managed to survive.”

Cas slowly leaned back again. “You know, you could join one of my orgies if you wanted girls. 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “No, I think not. Orgies are weird in my opinion. I like sex to be a bit more personal.” He thought for a moment, drunken thought, but thought nonetheless. “You know, this is pretty private. We could do it together.”

Cas stared at Dean in shocked confusion. That did not sound like his adamantly heterosexual friend. Cas, of course, was significantly less drunk than Dean. This probably never would have started if Dean hadn’t been absolutely wasted. “What do you mean?” Cas asked. 

“I mean, we aren’t getting younger. And, frankly, I’m getting desperate so why not try it, right? That’s assuming you want to.”

Cas was reeling.  _ What the hell is going on?  _ He had always hoped Dean would someday ask him out or something like that but this was extremely unexpected. “I mean, sure. That’s not a bad idea,” he replied. He certainly wasn’t going to turn him down. 

Dean smiled and moved over onto the bed and started undoing their clothes. Cas quickly caught up to the fact the Dean was dead serious and started helping. 

Needless to say, that night was full of new experiences for Dean and great times for both of them. Very quickly it became a regular event when Dean was having a bad day or when he just felt like it. Cas wished it was more than a desperate hook up but was perfectly happy to take what he could get. Dean found he enjoyed it more than he would care to admit and would often stay the night when neither of them had watch. They didn’t tell anyone but much of the camp figured it out after seeing Dean leave Cas’ place early in the morning or showing up to watch looking rather worn out. Neither of them bothered to squash the rumors because why should they? They were two consenting adults whose sex life was no one else’s concern. 


	2. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may or may not be important to the story, I don't really know, but in my head canon of the Endverse, it was entirely fabricated by the angels. Since the angels didn't know Chuck was God, he isn't God in the Endverse.

Cas first realized something was wrong when he woke up. He didn’t remember falling asleep. He  _ shouldn’t  _ have fallen asleep. He recalled Dean falling asleep next to him but after that was a bit of a blur. Dean was no longer in the bed so he stood up and walked outside. The world seemed normal, at least as normal as you could expect an ending world to be. He tried to teleport back into his house but for some reason he couldn’t. Fear crept into his consciousness as he ran back inside. He closed all the curtains and went to his mirror. He opened his wings. They were ragged and torn. Most of the feathers were gone.  _ Why?  _ was the only question in his mind. He folded his wings back in before praying to Michael, Uriel,  _ someone  _ to answer the question. 

An angel named Rachel responded. She appeared behind him. “What do you want Castiel?” she spat.

“Why did I fall, Rachel?” he begged, ignoring her tone. 

Rachel stared at him as if he was an idiot. “Because we told you we needed help to fight Lucifer and you refused to help. You said that Dean was more important and that you wouldn’t leave him or even tell him to let Michael in. You are lucky if you ask me. They should have cast you out long ago.”

Cas nodded slowly, gathering himself again. “Well then. I have no further need of you. Good bye.”

Rachel smirked, “Have you no remorse?”

Cas held his head higher, “No. I will not leave Dean.”

Rachel’s eyes widened. “Oh dear,” she muttered, “You love him, don’t you. An angel, in love with a hunter.” She laughed. “I hope you don’t think he might love you back because he doesn’t. You’re nothing more then a sex toy to him,” she said

Her last words were like a punch in the gut but he didn’t let it show. “I don’t ask for his love, just his friendship. I will be whatever he needs me to be.”

Rachel scoffed. “Oh, and one more thing. We are leaving. The angels have decided to evacuate. You falling was the last thing we needed to do so say goodbye to your family.”

It was Cas’ turn to scoff. He knew they weren’t his family. They were his brothers but they never really loved him. Gabriel was the only one who ever cared about anyone but he was dead. 

Rachel vanished, leaving him alone in the room. Cas stood still, in silence and alone for a minute before walking out. He gazed at the landscape. He needed help. He headed to Chuck’s house.

Chuck had been a good friend these last few couple years. He was the only one he had told about his true feelings for Dean. Chuck had given him good advice in the past, surely he could help now. Cas had no idea what to do now. 

Chuck was writing something when Cas came in. He turned to face him. “Hey, Cas. What’s up?”

Cas closed and locked the door and closed the blinds. After he had done all of that he made sure they were alone before addressing Chuck, who was now very interested. “I need your help,” he said. 

Chuck nodded, “I can see that.”

“My powers are gone. I’ve fallen.”

“Oh,” Chuck said, thoughtfully. “Are you going to tell anyone?”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know. I think I should at least tell Dean but then he will worry and he already has enough to think about. I’m not as helpless as I was when I lost my powers the first time. I know how to use a gun and such.”

“No, you aren’t but you’re not the only one who benefits from having angel powers. Your teleportation and smiting have saved a lot of people. Without them, the raid formats will have to change. On the other hand, we don’t use them often and Dean does have a lot to think about. A broken angel will cause extra worry.” 

Cas sighed and started pacing. “Exactly. Undoubtedly he will find out even if I don’t tell him. But that way it delays the stress a bit.”

“Seems like you have your decision then,” Chuck said. 

Cas still looked panicked and didn’t stop his pacing. 

“Is there something else bothering you?” Chuck asked. 

“Well,” Cas began, “it doesn’t feel right to lie to Dean. We are friends. I’ve been told friends aren’t supposed to do that.”

Chuck shrugged, “They aren’t. But you feel more than that. Your feelings for Dean are why you are choosing not to tell him.”

Cas nodded. “Ok. I guess,” he said, “You will help cover for me if he starts to suspect something, right?”

Chuck nodded, “Yeah. I’ll try to keep suspicion at bay.”

“Thank you,” Cas said before leaving.


	3. Anger

Dean knocked once on Cas’ door.

Cas opened it a sly smile on his face. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked. 

Dean shook his head. “Not now Cas.” He brushed passed his angel, into the room and spun around to face Cas. 

Fear shot through Cas. Dean was clearly angry.  _ Has he found out?  _ he wondered. He maintained his composure and asked, “What’s the matter?”

“I just heard from  _ Chuck,  _ that you’ve lost your grace. Is that true?”

Cas dropped his gaze. “Yeah,” he mumbled. 

Dean glared at Cas. “How could you keep this from me? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” he shouted. 

“I didn’t want you to worry. That’s all,” Cas responded. 

“Yeah? Well, now I’m angry. I’m in charge here! How can I protect the group if I don’t know what’s going on with the angel. You were one of our most valuable resources. You’re lucky none of our recent plans have required powers,” Dean continued. 

Cas shrank back at Dean’s beratement. He felt bad about it. “I...Please don’t be mad at me. I did what I thought was best. You have so much to worry about. I didn’t want to add to that burden.”

Dean didn’t listen to Cas’ plea. “How long has this been going on?”

“Only a few weeks,” Cas said. 

“A few  _ weeks _ ! You've kept this from me for that long! You’re my best friend. I’m supposed to be able to trust you. Until further notice, you are to stay at base, ok?” Dean snapped. 

Cas’ eyes widened. “Dean, of course you can trust me. Please, I’m sorry I lied to you but I swear, that’s the only thing.”

Dean shook his head and headed for the door. 

Cas looked on as Dean walked away. “Wait,” he called, “the only thing we have left, you and I, is each other. If you say it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, I’m in. But, please, don’t leave me behind.”

Dean looked back once, rage in his eyes, before he slammed the door behind him. 

Cas has never seen such anger before. He wanted to run after him, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Instead, he did what he always did and reached for one of the little orange bottles.


	4. Heart Ache

Dean felt…betrayed. At least, that’s what he was feeling best he could figure. He needed to be alone. He trekked to the edge of the base to where the rusted remains of Baby sat. He hadn’t been able to rebuild it when it got wrecked by Croatan people. He opened the door and got in. Everyone had all but forgotten about it except him. It was his go to place when he needed space. The seat was in taters, paint peeling just about everywhere, dents in the hood and roof but it was still Baby. He pulled out his flask and took a long drink.  _ Perhaps I was too harsh. I know I can trust Cas, always. He still should stay here. He could get hurt.  _ Dean hit the steering wheel.  _ Everyone could get hurt! I don’t keep them from going. What am I thinking?  _ He pulled out the picture of the original team. Only Cas and he were still alive. Everyone else had died months ago.  _ I can’t lose him too.  _ He looked out the shattered windshield. He could see beyond the fence. It was empty and still. If he didn’t know better, he would say the city was abandoned. But he did know better. The virus was everywhere, waiting for someone stupid enough to walk out. 

As his eyes caught a glint in the hood he remembered a night, a month ago, when a failed mission had left over half of the team dead or worse. He had come out here. It didn’t take long for Cas to join him. They had put some new dents in the hood that night.  _ Damn it. I can’t even be out  _ here  _ without thinking about him anymore.  _ He got out of the car and walked around the perimeter, checking the fence for breaks. 

_ Why am I so conflicted?  _ He rubbed his face and tried to make sense of it. It was really unlike him. Part of what made him the obvious choice for leader was his decisiveness and commanding ability. He noticed something. His chest hurt. For a moment he feared he was getting sick but his realization of what it really was scared him more. It was heartache. It was an emotion he didn’t like at all.  _ Could this day get worse? Why now? Sam has been gone for ages.  _ He had finished walking the perimeter and headed back to his house. 

Another thought came to him.  _ What if it isn’t about Sam, but Cas? No, no. That’s ridiculous. He was mad at Cas but sad.  _ He sat down in his bed. It was late so there wasn’t much to do. He didn’t have watch tonight. He sat pondering his emotions further, which probably wasn’t good for him.  _ I don’t want to put Cas in danger. That’s why I’m grounding him. But that’s not fair to everyone else. Well, he’s my only real friend so he gets privileges.  _ He remembered what Cas said as he left.  _ If he’s my friend, then I should let him come if he wants.  _ He finally came to the only logical conclusion.  _ No,  _ even as he thought it, he hated it for its truth,  _ he’s more than a friend. Always has been more. I love him.  _

After a moment to accept it, Dean realized that he needed to tell Cas as soon as possible. Given their lives, who knows how much time they have. He got up and ran towards Cas’ house. He didn’t let himself think about what he would say or what he would do if Cas rejected him, he just needed to tell him.  He didn’t knock and just let himself in. Cas was sleeping in his chair. He crossed the room in two strides and put his hand on Cas’ shoulder to wake him. His foot kicked something away. An empty orange bottle rolled away. Dean caught just a glimpse of the label “morphine”. Fear shot through him. He looked back at Cas. He put his hand over his chest. The breathing was shallow and heartbeat irregular.  _ Oh no.  _ He went to the door and called for help. He ran back to Cas’ side.  _ Don’t you die on me, Cas! You can’t leave me!  _ Dean felt as if it was his fault. If he hadn’t snapped at Cas like that perhaps he wouldn’t have done this. He put a hand on Cas’ cheek and sighed. He knew he couldn’t do anything but pray Cas would wake up. “Just one more thing. One more miracle, Cas, for me. Don’t be...dead,” he whispered.


	5. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first ending I came up with. It's the happier of the two and the one I prefer to believe.

Cas slowly felt his consciousness returning. He opened his eyes. He was in his bed, blankets tucked up to his neck. He sat up but a hand pushed him back down. He glanced over and saw Dean.

“Woah, there,” Dean said, rising from his place beside Cas’ bed, “Take it easy.”

“Dean. What happened?” Cas muttered in confusion.

Dean felt tears begin to form. He squeezed his eyes shut and sat back down. Dean felt as if he couldn’t speak. He forced himself to swallow his sorrow and replied, “You overdosed and went into a coma. You’ve been out for a week.” Dean didn’t look up at Cas. He knew he couldn’t stay together if he did.

Cas sat up. Dean didn’t stop him this time. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his face. His stomach was empty and he could feel he was dehydrated but he didn’t want to move.

Dean finally pulled himself together. “You are probably hungry. I’ll get you something.” He stood and walked out.

Cas sighed. He hadn’t had to worry about overdosing before. He realised he should have been more careful now that he had lost his powers. He wanted to cry. He had almost died and left Dean alone. Their last conversation had been an argument no less! His stomach twisted with guilt. Cas finally gathered enough strength to stand. He went into the bathroom and pulled out all of the drugs he had in there. He shoved them in a bag then went around his house gathering up all the medications and drugs from all his stashes and threw them all in the bag. He had just finished when Dean came back with a sandwich and a glass of water. 

Dean looked at him in fear. “What are you doing?” he asked. He couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice. 

Cas met his gaze. “I’m throwing it out, all of it,” he responded, calmly. 

Dean sighed in relief. He walked over and set the food on the coffee table while Cas took the bag out. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy to break Cas’ addiction, which, without his powers, that’s exactly what it was, but it was something. Dean had always preferred Cas sober. That only happened in the very early mornings, which Dean had been around to witness more.

The door opened, and Cas stepped in. He took the sandwich and started eating. He was ravenous and was extremely grateful for Dean bringing him food. 

“Hey, uh, Cas?” Dean started. He had to tell Cas how he felt before he lost him for real. 

“What is it?” Cas replied through a mouth full of food. 

“For one, I’m sorry for getting so mad. I understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s also technically none of my business. But also,” he paused and thought for a moment, “Nevermind. I’ll tell you later. Now is a bad time.”

Cas looked up at him, curiously. He swallowed his last bite before speaking. “What is it, Dean?” he prompted. He could feel that it was important. 

Dean began to fidget with the corner of his coat. “Well, this...thing we are doing. It’s more than a lack of good options. It’s so much more than that, at least for me.” He looked at Cas to get a read of if he was understanding. His vague smile was gone, replaced with a look of shock.  _ Oh god. I’ve messed up. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything!  _ he thought to himself. He was about to say something to backpedal but Cas interrupted him. 

“Dean, it was  _ always  _ more for me. I never thought you would feel the same though. How could you not realize that I feel for you, that I love you?” Cas said. 

Dean broke. Tears flooded his vision. He hadn’t let himself hope Cas would love him back. “Oh Cas,” he cried, flinging his arms around him, “I love you too.”

Cas hugged him back. Dean seemed to melt in his arms. He kissed Dean, letting him know that it was ok. 

After a few minutes of just holding each other, they pulled apart. “I’m sorry,” Dean said, wiping his tears away. 

“What are you sorry for?” Cas asked, taking Dean’s hand from his face.

“For springing this on you. I didn’t mean to fall apart on you.”

Cas put his free hand on Dean’s face, forcing him to look directly as Cas. “Promise me something. Never apologize for that, ok?”

It was a good thing Dean didn’t postpone his confession because the next day, past Dean showed up and Dean launched his last ditch attack on Lucifer and his gang and they both died. But at least they knew the other loved them.


	6. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the second ending I came up with. It's sadder, considerably, but I had to include it. It's not at all necessary to the story. It's just a rewrite of the last chapter.

Cas slowly felt his consciousness returning. He opened his eyes. He was in his bed, blankets tucked up to his neck. He sat up but a hand pushed him back down. He glanced over and saw Dean.

“Woah, there,” Dean said, rising from his place beside Cas’ bed, “Take it easy.”

“Dean. What happened?” Cas muttered in confusion.

Dean felt tears begin to form. He squeezed his eyes shut and sat back down. Dean felt as if he couldn’t speak. He forced himself to swallow his sorrow and replied, “You overdosed and went into a coma. You’ve been out for a week.” Dean didn’t look up at Cas. He knew he couldn’t stay together if he did.

Cas sat up. Dean didn’t stop him this time. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his face. His stomach was empty and he could feel he was dehydrated but he didn’t want to move.

Dean finally pulled himself together. “You are probably hungry. I’ll get you something.” He stood and walked out.

Cas sighed. He hadn’t had to worry about overdosing before. He realised he should have been more careful now that he had lost his powers. He wanted to cry. He had almost died and left Dean alone. Their last conversation had been an argument no less! His stomach twisted with guilt. Cas finally gathered enough strength to stand. He went into the bathroom and pulled out all of the drugs he had in there. He shoved them in a bag then went around his house gathering up all the medications and drugs from all his stashes and threw them all in the bag. He had just finished when Dean came back with a sandwich and a glass of water. 

Dean looked at him in fear. “What are you doing?” he asked. He couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice. 

Cas met his gaze. “I’m throwing it out, all of it,” he responded, calmly. 

Dean sighed in relief. He walked over and set the food on the coffee table while Cas took the bag out. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy to break Cas’ addiction, which, without his powers, that’s exactly what it was, but it was something. Dean had always preferred Cas sober. That only happened in the very early mornings, which Dean had been around to witness more.

The door opened, and Cas stepped in. He took the sandwich and started eating. He was ravenous and was extremely grateful for Dean bringing him food. 

“Hey, uh, Cas?” Dean started. He had to tell Cas how he felt before he lost him for real. 

“What is it?” Cas replied through a mouth full of food. 

“For one, I’m sorry for getting so mad. I understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s also technically none of my business. But also,” he paused and thought for a moment, “Nevermind. I’ll tell you later. Now is a bad time.”

Cas nodded understandingly. “It’s ok Dean. I should have told you. Thank you for bringing me food and taking care of me while I was out. I’m sorry.”

Dean smiled that sad kind of smile he does far too often, before standing up and leaving. 

The next day, Dean from the past showed up and Dean launched the last ditch attack on Lucifer and his gang.

Cas charged in with his team. The demons were clearly ready for them. They fought hard, but ultimately were unsuccessful. Cas was stabbed in the gut. He managed to kill a few more demons before losing his balance and falling. He couldn’t stand back up. He was vaguely aware that his teammates were falling around them. As his consciousness faded, he vaguely recalled the Dean had wanted to tell him something more earlier. He sort of wondered what it was. He hoped that Dean had been more successful on his side as life left him. 

Dean struggled under Lucifer's foot. This couldn’t happen. He had sacrificed everything on his hope he could take Lucifer by surprise. He tried to speak but his breath was caught. He looked at his brother’s body. But behind those eyes was no sight of the brother he died for, killed for. Suddenly, another thought came to him. He had never told Cas how he felt. Cas was probably dead by now. He would never know. He clawed at the white pants more aggressively. Lucifer just smiled at him. Dean was certain that he knew what Dean was thinking. He knew it was hopeless. Even if he did survive, he couldn’t reach Cas. He would never see him again. Tears bordered his vision. He could feel his chest getting tighter. His arms dropped to his sides. Suddenly, he found himself in his heaven. He called in vain for Cas. He collapsed to the ground, ignoring the memory that was playing. Heaven is supposed to be the best place you could imagine, but what was the point if you can’t be with the person you love?


End file.
